Freaky Flights

Like any of you, I have had my fair share of bad aeroplane rides. The most memorable one, was my first one on board a Thai Airways flight. We had a couple of drinks before we boarded the old aircraft. The gentleman to my right, had come fully prepared to sleep through the flight, had covered himself with a blue colored blanket and had fallen fast asleep. Just as the engines kicked in, the whole plane shuddered like an old man having an orgy on Viagra. A part of the ceiling panel fell on him and he woke up screaming. I like the way the bursar handled the whole scene – she is definitely any man’s super cool GF. She found some scotch tape to paste the panel back and told him to go back to sleep. And he did. We just looked at each other and ordered more screwdrivers!

But my most horrible experience was on board a SilkAir flight to Phnom Peng. The air craft was so tiny, it felt like a tourist coach that had been fitted with dragonfly wings. Just before the take off, they started the usual security video on their screens. I was doing what anyone else would do – just ignoring it. Suddenly, the screens went back to sleep mode and came back alive with the same video – half way the screens went back and for the third time, came back on. Whoa, these guys must be really planning to crash – and I better pay attention, I told myself – and I wasn’t the only one freaking out. That was a really bad way of managing customer experiences I suppose. But luckily, we didn’t crash, instead, the hostess spilled some coffee on my fake Levis – my worst flying moment. My list is endless, but I might as well save them for small talk in bars.

There are a few things that are really weird about airline marketing. The first class, the most expensive, is also the first to go in case of a crash. The economy class isn’t better, if you are seated near the wing area. But riding the tail isn’t really bad; the chances are you can survive a crash, at least marginally. I know it’s the most horrible place in terms of comfort – but considering there are many who are afraid of flying, heights and crashing, it may be a good tactic to adopt. If Volvo can make ugly cars and sell them on safety for a premium, we can give a try at charging a different rate for tail rides. Who knows, if you throw in a few more extras, it might work.